I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
