do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
