No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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