She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
