Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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