It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The beer is more important than you right now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
