Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
