...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
