Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize