Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
