girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize