mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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