My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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