What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
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I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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