I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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