You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im holly from the hills drunk
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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