This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize