honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
