Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
