for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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