Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
