what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
wow bdsm is so cute
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
