I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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