Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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