a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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