We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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