wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
