you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
