Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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