"it" just moved
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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