my mouth tastes like poor choices
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
