No subtext here. People are naked.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
