I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
