Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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