How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
