HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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