Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
