It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
