I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
