i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
