how can u be prego again
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
