Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
