I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
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So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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