4 words: hood of his car
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
