Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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