My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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