I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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