You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
