I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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