I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
