It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
