just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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