I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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