see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Boobs speak an international language.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
