I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
