her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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