On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i love accidental penises.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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