I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
