How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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