Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
