gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
